I’m doing the unthinkable—I’m posting one of our blog’s pages right in your damn face…What can I say?—I’m in the mood to regurgitate stuff that you don’t enjoy…genius!
…but there’s more to it than just that. Since this blog’s conception, the Spanky Trash section of STS.com has always been my favorite feature—and I’m proud to report that after 4 months, about 45 people have actually clicked on it —In other words, ‘the shit is fucking viral baby…’
In all honesty though—Last night I was reading over some of this material while eating a bowl of Cheerios and laughed hard enough to displace cereal into my nasal cavity, which I then inhaled and choked on—before tripping over a roller-skate and whacking my face off a hot iron that was being held by a horny wolverine named Chip…Things progressed further downhill from there….
What the hell is ‘Spanky Trash’?
‘Spanky Trash’ can easily be summed up—>>It’s a highly sophisticated form of rhetoric that has Dutch roots, however it’s more distinctive qualities were honed in Hudson, NH—not far from The Blue Moon—-These odd nuggets of literary discharge are to be utilized as quick verbal retorts targeted at misbehaving assholes. Their intent is to confuse and bewilder your adversary, rendering them hesitant to respond in any manner…This will leave you the option to either walk away in peace—or walk away with his or her girlfriend…Regardless, here is a very small sample of what we’ve come to know as ”Spanky Trash’…’94
Here’s how it works: Someone acts up in your presence and you could say something like, “ Hey buddy, settle down or else I’ll give ya—>>
…the vintage heel-drop to your wife’s collard spleen
…a 3-fisted thrust lunge to your time sensitive material
…a fortified bag of elbow grease to the back of your ham-hocks
…Some Mandatory Mahogany to ya lemon coated lucy-lips
…A fresh five finger sailor salute to ya shiver me timbers
…a 6-pack of ‘shakedown’ to your withered gray tits
…a well placed jump-kick to your augmented breasts
…a galvanized thigh-shot that shakes loose a ball
…an unforeseen towel-snap to your taint’n tip
…some rock hard redemption to ya’ school of hard cocks
…a reversed bag-clutch to your sea-salted waistline
…some spicy 4-fisted trauma to your rubba’-lips
…I’ll corn-chip your buck-teeth & put ya’ on Frito Lay-away
…I’ll offer you the final endeavor while denying you reason
…a double-breasted squat-thrust tea-baggin’ your sinus infection
…the sirloin chop n’ shop to your varicose grape-nuts…
*List has been slightly condensed for tax purposes— click here fo’ mo’ List can be updated at the request of you and your pimp…