Me, Your Gal & My Johnson…

Summer is soon to give way to Fall, before undoubtedly succumbing to a long hot Winter…Let’s talk it over…

I like Summer just as much as the next guy—Doing squats at the outdoor gym that I built in front of my apartment, wedging into my snake-skin banana hammock before ripping down the boardwalk in a pair of stolen rollerblades at over 25-mph—and getting shanked by the female version of Mickey Rourke at a Bike Week BBQ are just a few of my favorite Summer activities.

…but Summer’s not always a series of Skittles and hand-jobs ya know—like anything else, minor inconveniences are constantly springing up.  Take for example~~~>> Imagine strolling into your favorite Thai restaurant to pick up your take-out order.  The restaurant is small, extremely quiet and is currently hosting about 8 dinner guests.  Since you’re entering the place wearing 3$ flip-flops, this is obviously the perfect frackin’ time for the physics of suction to completely screw you over by producing a loud, abrupt noise from the underside of your foot—a noise that more or less sounds like just about every other fart you’ve heard in your life…

Obviously, you’re not about to explain to these jamokes that your flip-flop is the guilty party because, let’s face it—would you believe you? So you pay for your fargin’ food and deal with the fact that you’ll forever be known to those peeps as the ‘fucking ass-hole that shat himself while grabbing take-out…’

That’s some bull-shit that just happened to me—let’s hope none of the following Summer related bull-shit happens to you…

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Fear not my friends.  You can salvage your Summer with stunning ease by partaking in one or both of the following activities…

~Ron-Yves Strouteau

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30 responses to “Me, Your Gal & My Johnson…

  1. Vodka and Ground Beef

    You’re such a classy guy Ron-Yves. Can I call you that? I just want to be walking by when you’re doing squats and getting shanked in your outdoor gym. I guess I have the same dream as everyone else though. Sigh.

  2. Ahhh… you can’t beat kicking someone else’s ball sack for a bit of good honest summer entertainment. Ask any policeman.

  3. Swear to God I just posted that Johnson video on Facebook the other day.

    It’s my new go-to video when times get tough.

    • I’m always hesitant to post videos like this out of fear that every single person has seen them before…but I just saw these 2 for the first time and I laughed my Johnson’s Balzac off so I fugured—what the hay?

      Cheers B…may either the Flames or the Oilers win Lord’s Stanley Cup this season 🙂

  4. I remember having a balzac as a kid and not getting the underlying sexual reference. Oh how I have grown.

    • Let me try that again…

      Poor Jessie.

      At least she didn’t have a brother like Simon…

      • Ha! Simon says NO to drugs, eh? That kid was friggin’ sour about this situation…

        At first I thought people were finding joints all over that damn house!—turns out it was the same joint though…which, by the way, was rolled to perfection. Jessie clearly uses one of those rolling machines…

        I still don’t think the Mom is innocent…she’s into meth…trust me…

    • haha—I’m surprised Zack didn’t use her caffeine addiction to his advantage—it’s nice to see some chivalry…

      Spano was desperate right there—Zack probably could have a gotten a BJ in exchange for a 12-pack of Jolt cola…

  5. lmao this one made me laugh so much….

    so i guess you like balls flying at your face huh?

  6. Mario Lopez has not happened to me this summer. His loss.

  7. hahaha, loved that ad for you and your johnson but kinda confused with Balzak, it’s just a football right? don’t give a football new names, just makes a swede confused and dazed.

    • I’m not sure what that Ball-Sack is all about—all I know is that if some goes anywhere near an elementary school with one of those things, they should lock ’em up and throw away the key…

      What a perverse product and commercial…It even features close-up footage of a 12 year-old gal wearing stone-washed jean shorts (jorts) squatting on the damn thing—Who the Hell does that?

    • hahhaa i LOVE your little avatar rincewind haha so cute!

      • I’m afraid that’s actually how I look like as well, was bored and did a self-portrait, next time I’ll do a self portrait I will remember to lie and give me buff biceps and brad pitts head. 🙂

  8. That must have been tough…It was either the cotton candy or the creaking wooden roller-coaster with the blood stains on it…

    I was a fried-dough person at those things…I liked walking around the park afterward with all of that powdered sugar on my face, looking like Tony Montana…

    • It’s funny how that works out. The longer they ride, the more I eat, and the more they chide me between rides. By the time I’ve had my fill of their bitching (not to mention all that horrible food!), I’m perfectly primed for a good blow! 😀

  9. I’ll bet you Johnsons to Balzacs that that damned seagull is imitating the reactions of the folks flying off that amusement park ride! 🙄

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