A Sandy Lip-Tuck To Your Navel Academy…

I’m doing the unthinkable—I’m posting one of our blog’s pages right in your damn face…What can I say?—I’m in the mood to regurgitate stuff that you don’t enjoy…genius!

…but there’s more to it than just that.  Since this blog’s conception, the Spanky Trash section of STS.com has always been my favorite feature—and I’m proud to report that after 4 months, about 45 people have actually clicked on it —In other words, ‘the shit is fucking viral baby…’

In all honesty though—Last night I was reading over some of this material while eating a bowl of Cheerios and laughed hard enough to displace cereal into my nasal cavity, which I then inhaled and choked on—before tripping over a roller-skate and whacking my face off a hot iron that was being held by a horny wolverine named Chip…Things progressed further downhill from there….

What the hell is ‘Spanky Trash’?

‘Spanky Trash’ can easily be summed up—>>It’s a highly sophisticated form of rhetoric that has Dutch roots, however it’s more distinctive qualities were honed in Hudson, NH—not far from The Blue Moon—-These odd nuggets of literary discharge are to be utilized as quick verbal retorts targeted at misbehaving assholes.  Their intent is to confuse and bewilder your adversary, rendering them hesitant to respond in any manner…This will leave you the option to either walk away in peace—or walk away with his or her girlfriend…Regardless, here is a very small sample of what we’ve come to know as ”Spanky Trash’…’94

Here’s how it works:  Someone acts up in your presence and you could say something like, “ Hey buddy,  settle down or else I’ll give ya—>>

…the vintage heel-drop to your wife’s collard spleen

…a 3-fisted thrust lunge to your time sensitive material

…a fortified bag of elbow grease to the back of your ham-hocks

…Some Mandatory Mahogany to ya lemon coated lucy-lips

…A fresh five finger sailor salute to ya shiver me timbers

…a 6-pack of ‘shakedown’ to your withered gray tits

…a well placed jump-kick to your augmented breasts

…a galvanized thigh-shot that shakes loose a ball

…an unforeseen towel-snap to your taint’n tip

…some rock hard redemption to ya’ school of hard cocks

…a reversed bag-clutch to your sea-salted waistline

…some spicy 4-fisted trauma to your rubba’-lips

…I’ll corn-chip your buck-teeth & put ya’ on Frito Lay-away

…I’ll offer you the final endeavor while denying you reason

…a double-breasted squat-thrust tea-baggin’ your sinus infection

…the sirloin chop n’ shop to your varicose grape-nuts…

*List has been slightly condensed for tax purposes— click here fo’ mo’ 🙂 List can be updated at the request of you and your pimp…

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26 responses to “A Sandy Lip-Tuck To Your Navel Academy…

  1. Hey tummy tuck casualty, don’t be pointing that vagina at me !!!!

  2. Here is a compilation of the clever ripostes I used just prior to being beaten up:

    “Hey, buddy, settle down or I’ll scuff your knuckles with the bridge of my nose and bleed on your Birkenstocks.”

    “Excuse me, Miss, is this seat taken, or are your massive accumulations of cellulite simply blocking out the sun and casting a pall over the entire bus?”

    “Hey, Anwar, are you wearing elevator shoes, or are your heels just pumped full of gelignite?”

    Look at the time! Sorry I can’t finish now. Gotta run!

  3. Nice Denny . . . . nice Denny . . . 🙂

  4. “ Hey buddy, settle down or else I’ll give ya—>>

    “…a powered up 7 – iron out of the first cut right to your sausage links.”

    • hahaha—straight for the sausage links eh? Very impressive—we southern New Hampshitheads have never been ones to mess around…

      It’s either straight for the jugular—or straight for the junk…

      Cheers fool 🙂

      -s

      PS – If Seguin sucks—I’m gonna start by kicking YOUR ass…

  5. how about we go back to the classics?

    “a knuckle sandwhich so far up your ass you will wish that you’d swallowed a porcupine and made it come out your nose instead”
    ok thats all i got…haha

  6. I often re-post old ones, but I do so safe in the knowledge that nobody read them the first time.

  7. Ha – now the secret is out! I hear something like this and it’s the good old duck n’ cover for me! 🙂

  8. Way out of my league in the subtle double meaning slang department, but an attempt non the less:

    “ Hey buddy, settle down or else I’ll give ya—>>

    … increased ocular motility capacity that allows you to self-examine your posterior brain section.

    … some tormented creative soul-energy to instantly method-act a doormat.

    • haha—there’s really no ‘double meaning slang’—it’s semi-pure gibberish, but I’ve always found this stuff to be poetic in a sense…and you clearly have a knack for it—although I needed a medical dictionary to decipher that first one! 🙂

      Thanks Gruff.

      -s

      PS-If you ever method-act my doormat—I’m calling the cops…

      • all he meant ron was that he would pull ur eyes outta your head and stick em to your ass so you can see him kickin it..

      • To be honest, I had to look up those medical terms too. But I figured, since I’ve had to google half the terminology in the Spanky Trash list, you should at least have one curveball thrown at you.

        If you call the cops, I’m ricocheting their liquor cabinet beyond the energetic implosion point.

  9. “an unforeseen towel-snap to your taint’n tip” Ok now that is just uncalled for!

  10. Ron you link slut check our Trashy Sites

  11. It’s always good to advertise your own stuff for us who might have missed it, but now I will click on something else on your site just to mess with your stats 🙂

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