Category Archives: Athletics

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Homeless, not humorless…

On a recent trip to Fenway Park in Boston, Assachussetts I came across one of the richest homeless people I’ve ever seen.  Thanks to his fantastic sign, this bastard probably pulled in about 2,ooo-bucks before the Red Sox game!

*I snapped this photo right before making my donation 🙂

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Aside

On the side of our blog you’ll see a truly revolutionary feature titled Browse For Shiz—accompanied by a Search button.  I’m pretty sure I just became the first person in history to actually use it and let me tell you … Continue reading

Aside

The Story Of DON—One Ripping Good Yarn Indeed….

Pull up another chair—it’s go-time…

Let’s call it 12ish years ago—I had a strange job at local golf course here in southern New Hampshire, my official job title was Night Waterer (almost sounds super-heroish eh?)—well it wasn’t…The golfing facility, which actually consists of two different 18-hole courses, 3 practice holes and 2 separate driving ranges, was built in 1959 and sits on the Massachusetts boarder, nestled along side of the majestic and pee-ridden Merrimack Rivah’…

The Merrimack River is actually what kept the grass alive at the time, serving as the course’s main source of water for the irrigation system, which wasn’t tied into the city’s water supply—Instead we used a large diesel powered pump (about the size of your El Camino), which sat near the riverbank, drawing water into the pipes, thus irrigating a large portion of the 375-acre property…

Generally, I worked all night with one other person—who happened to be a good friend of mine.  When he left, another good friend of mine took over and the good times kept rolling—But when that friend got shit-canned, they hired some dude named Don—damn ye Don…

Before Don arrived, my nights were filled with SEGA Genesis, fishing, street-hockey, cart-racing, night-golfing etc. etc.—now I had to train some dude in his late 60’s how to do all that, in addition to tackling his usual irrigation duties…I knew it was going to be a shit-show from the start—How do you train someone to do jack-all when they spend their entire night taking constant piss-breaks in between hourly naps?

—>>Summer of 2000ish—2ish in the morning<<—

After several unsuccessful attempts to reach Don on his walki-talkie, I mounted my electric golf cart, floored her and banged a hard left into the night—searching for the old chap and fearing the worst…Eventually, I located him in the office of the course’s maintenance facility (alive). He was sitting on a leather office chair, with his feet on another one, a wrinkled hand on his old balls, wearing elastic-waisted dungarees with a matching denim coat—the poor old bastard was out cold…Sleeping as soundly as a fat guy after tantric sex with Mrs. Butterworth on a bed made of brisket…

I sat down at the other desk, opened up Microsoft’s Paintbrush program on the computer and proceeded to draw this picture of Don while he slumbered (he wasn’t actually smoking in his sleep though)…This took me the better part of an hour and you’ll have to trust me—this picture is spot-on...An exact Don…

Once I was finished with the drawing, I printed it out and scotch-taped it to his shirt—then I waited…and waited…Finally, Don emerged from his nap, struggling to fight through that pesky post-nap disorientation–-Have you ever seen a guy in his late 60’s wake up from a dead-sleep at 3:30 in the morning and then try to figure out why there’s a computer-generated image of himself taped to his titties? It’s very funny, trust me…

I’ll never forget what happened next—He stood up, ripped the picture off his bosom, crumpled it up and threw it on the floor—He walked over to me, stuck his finger in my face—and said to me…

“You’re fucked…”

🙂

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Reality Bites

Yellow is your color "Ocho ZERO"!

One cannot affix their eyes upon any television set these days without laying witness to the profuse amount of garbage on it.  To be more specific, reality dating T.V!   Flavor Flav, Brett Michaels, Terrell Owens and now Chad “Ocho Cinco” Johnson, all seemed to have simultaneously jumped onto the “Mr. Sex” shit-show bandwagon.  Let’s face it, when the camera isn’t running, Ocho Cinco is.  Running a train, that is.  Probably on some bitch named “Suzie-Suck-Me” with his whole offensive line.  Can you say encroachment?  Nobody’s fooling nobody here.  It’s a damn orgy.  You might as well have Chad wearing a crown of Laurel leaves with a bunch of scantily clad vixens feeding him grapes and ass.

Yeah, that’s exactly what we all want to see, right?  Another millionaire who can’t get laid.  He needs Hollywood, because being Mr. Money bags and having a 12″ nightstick isn’t enough points on his score card alone.  I don’t know about you, but don’t ya think Chad could get the same results in the lobby of the Bellagio in Vegas?…What a putz.

What needs to be marketed is what people want to see—not what we are forced to see.  That my friends is what T.V. is doing to us—brainwash style (clean brains!)…Why don’t we have a show that has one average guy with about 2 weeks of facial growth, a $30k annual salary and a single bedroom apartment?  Couple that with 10 Mexican broads fighting over a chance to win him and their ticket to a green-card and bammm…success!  Viva los Estados Unidos!

So, put on your tight-slacked pajamas, fire on the DVR, pop some fucking corn and call everyone you know…Chad’s going long!

Aside

George Steinbrenner (1930-2010) R.I.P. Despite my being a fan of the Boston Red Sox since the early 80’s, I was saddened to hear about Mr. Steinbrenner’s passing today.  Trust me, there are plenty of dickheads in Boston that are shamelessly … Continue reading

World Cup Of Soccer 2010—RIP…

It’s finally over—We offer up our sincerest congratulations to whoever the Hell won it!

Even the trophy lost interest 2-weeks ago...

Felicidades Spainiards! 🙂

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