Eclipse, the newest addition to the Twilight series broke some type of important record this past Wednesday, when it made about 30-million bucks at the midnight screenings in the U.S. and Canada. Concession sales at those screenings however, were down about 95% due to the fact that people who go to Twilight screenings in the middle of the night, tend to snack on each other’s tits and necks during the movie.
Admission: I did watch the first Twilight and I was mildly entertained—although, this was following a tonsillectomy—and the liquid pain killers I was gulping essentially made any form of of TV or film perfectly acceptable. I have an X-Box, DVD player, Net-Flix and free Internet-Porn at my disposal—yet the night after my surgery I watched the same metal-detector infomercial 3-times in a row while performing oral on a popsicle.
Although I can appreciate the storyline of Twilight and the actual film-making itself—it’s the SUPER FANS! that I’ll never understand…
*Note: Twi-Hards between the ages of 12 and 16 are excused from my mockery…It’s the adults who are truly worrisome…
Dear Twi-Hard (Tit-Head),
Settle down, It’s just another vampire movie—not exactly a brand new concept…Folks with the money and know-how simply slapped a new paint job on an age-old pile of shit before shining it up and selling it to your scrawny blanched ass. I agree that the film-direction is impressive and the plot is intriguing—but I’m baffled as to why Twilight is causing grown men and women to deprive themselves of food and sunlight while conducting Edward Cullen masturbation-marathons in their homemade caskets.
Halt your unsettling ways of douche-baggery while you still can!