Category Archives: Limericks

Medieval Mothers & Trapper Keepers—(A Useless 2-Part Post)

Annihilating testicles since 1486...

♥  You’ll love part 1

Some women carry mace and some women carry pistols—Some women possess brass knuckles and some women possess brass nipples—Some learn Karate and some purchase taser guns—Some hide cross-bows in their enormous fucking purses while others stash blow-dart guns in their cleavage…

In a day and age where loathsome scallywags dubiously roam the mean streets of southern New Hampshire, women need to protect themselves, their families and their shoes by any means necessary–-That’s why some women are now carrying swords in their frackin’ backpacks…Right?

I snapped this picture today as I was meandering downtown to run an errand (meet my pimp)…Obviously, my camera has a photographic memory…

Hockey-hair---no sleeves---and a backpack harboring a sword---my kind of woman...

Fictional Limerick About These 2

A Mother, a sword and her boy

As it turns out, the sword was a toy

So I round-housed the Mommy

Subdued little Johnny

And ran off with his last Chip Ahoy

You’ll enjoy part 2

Dr. Max Yestronaut, the sporadic Tight-Slacks contributor and closeted pilates instructor, recently began performing open-mic stand-up comedy gigs in Boston and New Hampshire after a few months of attending an improv-comedy class amidst his premature attempt at retirement…

From time to time, Dr. Max and I will get together to toss around ideas and 1-liners for his act.  Last weekend he stopped by for a quick brainstorming-session—and I laughed my ass off when I saw what he’s currently using to organize his comedic-material…

Mint condition, circa 1986…

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It’s true—the Trapper Keeper (an organizational-aphrodisiac), or as we called it back in elementary school, the Snapper Trapper—was one of the only ways for a 2nd-grade boy to do the sex in the 80’s…

I got my first Trapper Keeper when I was 7 and coincidentally received my first blow-job 25-minutes later…By year’s end, the Keeper was brimming with sexually explicit Valentine’s cards and crayon-drawn nude self-portraits of the school’s finest vixens…

*100% of what I just said was 95% bull-shit—the other 5% is truthfully rated X…

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Jersey Shore cast-member, Snooki—was recently arrested for disorderly conduct…bummer…(source) The Recipe For Disaster 2 Tablespoons of Complete Bitch 1 Teaspoon of Slut ¾ Cup of Flesh Bronzer 1 Whole Italian 3 Shots of Tequila 1 Long Island Iced Tea 1 … Continue reading

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Calling all viewers of the Food Network… On June 17th we drew comparisons to Food Network stalwarts Guy Fieri and Anne Burrell (Gal Fieri)—They’re related, OK?—No man, woman or DNA-testing is going to tell me otherwise!  Regardless, the friggin’ Fieri-plot … Continue reading

World Cup Of Poetry…

Soccer Limerick 6/25/2010

There once were some men and a ball

Every 4 or 5 seconds they’d fall

They would lay on the turf

Just like sweaty gay Smurfs

Soccer sucks like a huge bag of Halls

Hall-Bag...

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Limerick—6/25/2010 There once was a lady named Kate Her vagina could hold up to 8 With her husband long gone And the Botox gone wrong— Does this look like someone you’d date? I’m trying to find the right words to … Continue reading

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There once was this little old lady Her neighbors all thought she was shady So they called up the cops And they busted her chops As it turns out she tagged Warren Beatty

Limerick 4/25/10

There once was a Swede in her shower

She was in there for over an hour

As she rinsed and repeated

On her toilet was seated

None other than agent Jack Bauer

Actual pic of Bauer on a toilet