Category Archives: Video

Me, Your Gal & My Johnson…

Summer is soon to give way to Fall, before undoubtedly succumbing to a long hot Winter…Let’s talk it over…

I like Summer just as much as the next guy—Doing squats at the outdoor gym that I built in front of my apartment, wedging into my snake-skin banana hammock before ripping down the boardwalk in a pair of stolen rollerblades at over 25-mph—and getting shanked by the female version of Mickey Rourke at a Bike Week BBQ are just a few of my favorite Summer activities.

…but Summer’s not always a series of Skittles and hand-jobs ya know—like anything else, minor inconveniences are constantly springing up.  Take for example~~~>> Imagine strolling into your favorite Thai restaurant to pick up your take-out order.  The restaurant is small, extremely quiet and is currently hosting about 8 dinner guests.  Since you’re entering the place wearing 3$ flip-flops, this is obviously the perfect frackin’ time for the physics of suction to completely screw you over by producing a loud, abrupt noise from the underside of your foot—a noise that more or less sounds like just about every other fart you’ve heard in your life…

Obviously, you’re not about to explain to these jamokes that your flip-flop is the guilty party because, let’s face it—would you believe you? So you pay for your fargin’ food and deal with the fact that you’ll forever be known to those peeps as the ‘fucking ass-hole that shat himself while grabbing take-out…’

That’s some bull-shit that just happened to me—let’s hope none of the following Summer related bull-shit happens to you…

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Fear not my friends.  You can salvage your Summer with stunning ease by partaking in one or both of the following activities…

~Ron-Yves Strouteau

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This Old Blog…

Repeat visitors are noticing that our site looks different.  “Who gives a shit?” you’re saying.  “Exactly”, is what we’re saying…

We felt it was time for a site-makeover so I started in with a little tummy-tuck, a tan and two fake boobs (fraudulent rack)—then I  moved on to a slathery USB Botoxing session with an encore of having it hold on to both sidebars while asking Jeeves to Google and Bing the backside of  it’s YouTube like a Boing-Boing to the back of your Header-Image…

Unfortunately, the blood tests came back positive for Skype…

By the way, I’ve been asked why we chose Such Tight Slacks for the name of our blog…Well, it originated after watching a hockey game, consuming a couple of Molsons and happening upon the following videos…

Happy Trails!

~Ron-Yves Strouteau

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Aside

Bob Barker, the 86 year-old sexually active senior and former host of the TV game-show, The Price Is Right, recently made headlines when he criticized the show’s current host, Drew Carey (a non sexually active man in his 50’s). In … Continue reading

The Stuff—It’s All Over Your Face Fool…

On the docket today is The Stuff—one of the greatest piece of shit movies I’ve ever watched 10 times.

After happening upon a hole in the earth that was spewing a white gooey substance, a few miners who hadn’t had any female interaction in several months did the logical thing—they ate the shiz…As it turns out, the stuff was absolutely delicious and before long, grocery stores and bodegas were stocking their shelves with this mysterious and highly addictive mayonnaise of Mother Nature—Absolutely no FDA testing or approval was necessary throughout this entire process—I taste danger

Shortly thereafter, the stuff began dissolving the brains of those who snacked upon it—transforming them into Courtney Love/Zombie-like ass-holes…Some little bastard named Jason, who watched the stuff take the lives of his friends, family and Teddy Ruxpin doll—gets teamed up with the FBI in an effort to stop the tasty madness brought on by nature’s deadliest of money-shots…

A spoonful of The Stuff, helps the medicine go down...

👿 If you want to know what happens next, you’ll just have to go buy a VCR from a yard sale before combing ebay for a copy of the film on VHS…After using your PayPal account to make the purchase, you’ll proceed to wait weeks for your copy of this horrendous flick to arrive.  You’ll watch it.  You’ll then contact me, telling me ‘to fuck myself’ because The Stuff didn’t meet your expectations—Since I’m a nice guy, I will agree to split the cost of your yard-sale VCR once I’ve made out with your wife (and it won’t be against her will, sorry)—Trust me, this is a fair deal…

PS—You could just buy the DVD—but let’s face it, some of the shittier classics are simply better on VHS…

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Blog A Blog—Whoa-ohhhhhh Black Betty…

RAM JAM— Just another arguably racist, relative-doing, sweaty, mid-western 1-hit wonder from the 70’s…I first heard their version of Lead Belly’s song Black Betty about 19 years ago.  To this day, every time it comes on the radio—my shirt comes off and I crank the shit to 10 before pulling the chord on my break-away slacks…a great tune indeed…

I YouTubed the song today for the first time—19 years in the making!  Terrible...I was hysterically appalled by the footage of these frackin’ donkeys performing one of my all-time favorite tunes.  To be honest, I really wish I never saw this half-assed excuse for a music video…Behold!

*Note: The audio & video are clearly out of sync for your enjoyment…Also, if this video gets ‘yanked by the user’ or whatever the Hell that horse manure is all about, I’m gonna’ speed-bag some Mo-Fo’s…

In 1977, Black Betty became a source of controversy when the NAACP declared the song’s lyrics as being ‘racist’…?  I guess this makes sense considering the lyrics were written by a black guy in the 1930’s—Because we all know that black guys in the 1930’s weren’t big fans of black people—Seriously, I’ve read the lyrics and I don’t see a shred of racism to be found anywhere—just general observations and compliments about this Betty gal…

I really just want to know who was managing those buffoons known as Ram Jam—Sometimes a band manager just has to take the douche-bags that he’s been dealt and figure out a way to make some damn money—Just ask these fellas…

Color Me Badd

Left To Right: White Ass-Head, White Dip-Shit, Black Barry & The White Fag With Curly Hair...

Ironically enough—Ram Jam was also the name of a game that this crew used to play after too many Zimas had been consumed…

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Aside

Grudge much?  It was just a flick fellas’… 10 duplicitous Russians were arrested over the past two days due to their alleged roles in a long-term, deep-cover espionage operation.  The secret agents were conducting business in several locations throughout the … Continue reading

Aside

1 of the following 2 artists will find themselves on my i-pod—place your bets… 1st: Lady Gaga—The milky-white masculine Madonna… As the N.Y. Yankees were hosting the N.Y. Mets on Friday night, the handsome Gaga was perched in the stands, … Continue reading