Spanky-Trash

Did you know that you can win fantastic prizes by submitting your own ‘Spanky Trash’ to SuchTightSlacks.com?  It’s true!  Submit your entry via the comments option below or by e-mail and you could win free ad-space on our site or a good old-fashioned smack in your mouth…

What the hell is ‘Spanky Trash’?

‘Spanky Trash’ can easily be summed up—>>It’s a highly sophisticated form of rhetoric that has Dutch roots, however it’s more distinctive qualities were honed in Hudson, NH—not far from The Blue Moon—-These odd nuggets of literary discharge are to be utilized as quick verbal retorts targeted at misbehaving assholes.  Their intent is to confuse and bewilder your adversary, rendering them hesitant to respond in any manner…This will leave you the option to either walk away in peace—or walk away with his or her girlfriend…Regardless, here is a very small sample of what we’ve come to know as ”Spanky Trash’…’94

Here’s how it works:  Someone acts up in your presence and you could say something like, Hey buddy,  settle down or else I’ll give ya—>>

…the lonesome ridgehand to your flesh pods

…a 1/2 a cup of Tyrone that strikes well below your belt

…the vintage heel-drop to your wife’s collard spleen

…a 3-fisted thrust lunge to your time sensitive material

…a fortified bag of elbow grease to the back of your ham-hocks

…the Pete Townsend axe smash to your black hole sun

…Some Mandatory Mahogany to ya lemon coated lucy-lips

…A fresh five finger sailor salute to ya shiver me timbers

…I’ll double down and then raise ya 5 knuckles

…a 6-pack of ‘shakedown’ to your withered gray tits

…I’ll give ya the one-way Wilson to the short side of your upper echelon

…a well placed jump-kick to your augmented breasts

…a galvanized thigh-shot that shakes loose a ball

…an unforeseen towel-snap to your taint’n tip

…some rock hard redemption to ya’ school of hard cocks

…a reversed bag-clutch to your sea-salted waistline

…some spicy 4-fisted trauma to your rubba’-lips

…I’ll corn-chip your buck-teeth & put ya’ on Frito Lay-away

…I’ll lance ya’ chewy bunions via the hot garlic-press

…I’ll offer you the final endeavor while denying you reason

…I’ll validate your vernacular with Webster’s newest hard-cover

…a double-breasted squat-thrust tea-baggin’ your sinus infection

…the Transsiberian knee-knocker from across the room

…a surplus of chin-splints to the east-wing of your wife’s side-dish

…the tri-knuckle express to your ticklish temples

…the sirloin chop n’ shop to your varicose grape-nuts…

I think you get the picture.  This list will go on and on…

4 responses to “Spanky-Trash

  1. “a 6-pack of ‘shakedown’ to your withered gray tits”

    I used this one yesterday. I was pretty upset with one of the senior citizens I work with at the old folks home, and I had to bust it out.

    I hope you don’t mind.

  2. Oh…ooo, I got the redneck version of this!
    Check it out!
    http://kansasmediocrity.wordpress.com/2010/01/22/royisms/

    • sekanblogger,

      Great insight on the link, however after reading the 1st couple of lines I can tell you that this is just not the same.

      While it may be close in nature, the Royisms are not confusing enough to be spanky. I refer you to the link at the top of the page elaborating exactly what Spanky is all about.

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