Tag Archives: Entertainment

Our Doors Are Closing Tightly—For 7 Days…

Tomorrow morning I’m getting on a plane  and flying southward—taking direct aim on hurricane Earl’s weathery crotch…

Planes are always a fun time though—Just like anyone else, I enjoy being crammed next to a couple of sweaty donkeys on a winged metal capsule of stress, fear, tension, crying babies, claustrophobia and gay stewards on the brink of insanity—as we hurdle through the sky at about 500-mph.

The best way to cope with all of these variables?  Do what I do. What do I do?  This is what I do…

I'll be reading this book, aloud---for most of the flight...

Sick of obnoxious passengers?  Surpass them all instead…

First, I’ll wear something that’s not only frighteningly tight—but also velvet.  I’ll be donning bright white, hi-top sneakers and a fake gold chain that disappears into my exposed throw-rug of wavy breast hair.  My head hair?  It too will be perfect…

When the peanuts and pretzels are provided, I will proceed to eat them with my mouth open while talking loudly to my neighbors about highly uninteresting bull-shit.  If I see a man using one of those tiny pillows, I will promptly inform him that he’s officially gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

I will also drink V-8 with plenty of ice and those who cast dirty looks my way will find themselves blinded by all of those veggies and antioxidants.  Then I’ll wait for my neighbors to fall asleep, only to wake them because I need to get up and use the restroom—which especially ticks them off because I’ll have the aisle seat…

Much Thanks 🙂

~Ron-Yves Strouteau

The following are some of our earlier posts—that nobody (except Bearman) read…Enjoy!

I Just Puked In My Mouth…(Quick snippet inspired by the Octomom)

Unaware Of Underwear Inflation…(Dr. Max Yestronaut’s frustrating account of an underwear-shopping endeavor)

He Came—He Danced—He Had Intercourse With The Hottest Girl In School…(Outdated film review of rug-cutting classic, Footloose)

Raq-Hell yeah I Would…(5 days from now, I’ll officially want to have sex with a 70 year-old woman)

A Terrible Tumble…(Dr. Max Yestronaut doing his part to make sure some mascot will never ‘live it down’)

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

Advertisements

Your Tight Weather Fork-Ass—Thank Us After The Storm…

Dust off the leather umbrella and slap some Turtle-Wax on your shit-kickers—Monday awaits…

*Note: We neglected to include any information pertaining to the barometric pressure in your hometown because, let’s face it—nobody gives a shit about the barometric pressure in your hometown…

The ADHD Chuck Norris Radar Run-Down: As you can see, ADHD Chuck Norris is still distracted by the Great Lakes, therefore he has yet to relay us any real information which relates to the radar images…We apologize for the inconvenience…

*Note: The stress of being located directly under Chuck’s lethal & gargantuan genitals was simply too much for Texas to bear—the lonestar state broke off and sank to the bottom of the Gulf of Mexicoil early this morning…

Published by: Sampsonian & Ron-Yves

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

A Sandy Lip-Tuck To Your Navel Academy…

I’m doing the unthinkable—I’m posting one of our blog’s pages right in your damn face…What can I say?—I’m in the mood to regurgitate stuff that you don’t enjoy…genius!

…but there’s more to it than just that.  Since this blog’s conception, the Spanky Trash section of STS.com has always been my favorite feature—and I’m proud to report that after 4 months, about 45 people have actually clicked on it —In other words, ‘the shit is fucking viral baby…’

In all honesty though—Last night I was reading over some of this material while eating a bowl of Cheerios and laughed hard enough to displace cereal into my nasal cavity, which I then inhaled and choked on—before tripping over a roller-skate and whacking my face off a hot iron that was being held by a horny wolverine named Chip…Things progressed further downhill from there….

What the hell is ‘Spanky Trash’?

‘Spanky Trash’ can easily be summed up—>>It’s a highly sophisticated form of rhetoric that has Dutch roots, however it’s more distinctive qualities were honed in Hudson, NH—not far from The Blue Moon—-These odd nuggets of literary discharge are to be utilized as quick verbal retorts targeted at misbehaving assholes.  Their intent is to confuse and bewilder your adversary, rendering them hesitant to respond in any manner…This will leave you the option to either walk away in peace—or walk away with his or her girlfriend…Regardless, here is a very small sample of what we’ve come to know as ”Spanky Trash’…’94

Here’s how it works:  Someone acts up in your presence and you could say something like, “ Hey buddy,  settle down or else I’ll give ya—>>

…the vintage heel-drop to your wife’s collard spleen

…a 3-fisted thrust lunge to your time sensitive material

…a fortified bag of elbow grease to the back of your ham-hocks

…Some Mandatory Mahogany to ya lemon coated lucy-lips

…A fresh five finger sailor salute to ya shiver me timbers

…a 6-pack of ‘shakedown’ to your withered gray tits

…a well placed jump-kick to your augmented breasts

…a galvanized thigh-shot that shakes loose a ball

…an unforeseen towel-snap to your taint’n tip

…some rock hard redemption to ya’ school of hard cocks

…a reversed bag-clutch to your sea-salted waistline

…some spicy 4-fisted trauma to your rubba’-lips

…I’ll corn-chip your buck-teeth & put ya’ on Frito Lay-away

…I’ll offer you the final endeavor while denying you reason

…a double-breasted squat-thrust tea-baggin’ your sinus infection

…the sirloin chop n’ shop to your varicose grape-nuts…

*List has been slightly condensed for tax purposes— click here fo’ mo’ 🙂 List can be updated at the request of you and your pimp…

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

Aside
Aside

Jersey Shore cast-member, Snooki—was recently arrested for disorderly conduct…bummer…(source) The Recipe For Disaster 2 Tablespoons of Complete Bitch 1 Teaspoon of Slut ¾ Cup of Flesh Bronzer 1 Whole Italian 3 Shots of Tequila 1 Long Island Iced Tea 1 … Continue reading

Aside

Bob Barker, the 86 year-old sexually active senior and former host of the TV game-show, The Price Is Right, recently made headlines when he criticized the show’s current host, Drew Carey (a non sexually active man in his 50’s). In … Continue reading

The Stuff—It’s All Over Your Face Fool…

On the docket today is The Stuff—one of the greatest piece of shit movies I’ve ever watched 10 times.

After happening upon a hole in the earth that was spewing a white gooey substance, a few miners who hadn’t had any female interaction in several months did the logical thing—they ate the shiz…As it turns out, the stuff was absolutely delicious and before long, grocery stores and bodegas were stocking their shelves with this mysterious and highly addictive mayonnaise of Mother Nature—Absolutely no FDA testing or approval was necessary throughout this entire process—I taste danger

Shortly thereafter, the stuff began dissolving the brains of those who snacked upon it—transforming them into Courtney Love/Zombie-like ass-holes…Some little bastard named Jason, who watched the stuff take the lives of his friends, family and Teddy Ruxpin doll—gets teamed up with the FBI in an effort to stop the tasty madness brought on by nature’s deadliest of money-shots…

A spoonful of The Stuff, helps the medicine go down...

👿 If you want to know what happens next, you’ll just have to go buy a VCR from a yard sale before combing ebay for a copy of the film on VHS…After using your PayPal account to make the purchase, you’ll proceed to wait weeks for your copy of this horrendous flick to arrive.  You’ll watch it.  You’ll then contact me, telling me ‘to fuck myself’ because The Stuff didn’t meet your expectations—Since I’m a nice guy, I will agree to split the cost of your yard-sale VCR once I’ve made out with your wife (and it won’t be against her will, sorry)—Trust me, this is a fair deal…

PS—You could just buy the DVD—but let’s face it, some of the shittier classics are simply better on VHS…

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine