Tag Archives: Stewardess

Our Doors Are Closing Tightly—For 7 Days…

Tomorrow morning I’m getting on a plane  and flying southward—taking direct aim on hurricane Earl’s weathery crotch…

Planes are always a fun time though—Just like anyone else, I enjoy being crammed next to a couple of sweaty donkeys on a winged metal capsule of stress, fear, tension, crying babies, claustrophobia and gay stewards on the brink of insanity—as we hurdle through the sky at about 500-mph.

The best way to cope with all of these variables?  Do what I do. What do I do?  This is what I do…

I'll be reading this book, aloud---for most of the flight...

Sick of obnoxious passengers?  Surpass them all instead…

First, I’ll wear something that’s not only frighteningly tight—but also velvet.  I’ll be donning bright white, hi-top sneakers and a fake gold chain that disappears into my exposed throw-rug of wavy breast hair.  My head hair?  It too will be perfect…

When the peanuts and pretzels are provided, I will proceed to eat them with my mouth open while talking loudly to my neighbors about highly uninteresting bull-shit.  If I see a man using one of those tiny pillows, I will promptly inform him that he’s officially gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

I will also drink V-8 with plenty of ice and those who cast dirty looks my way will find themselves blinded by all of those veggies and antioxidants.  Then I’ll wait for my neighbors to fall asleep, only to wake them because I need to get up and use the restroom—which especially ticks them off because I’ll have the aisle seat…

Much Thanks 🙂

~Ron-Yves Strouteau

The following are some of our earlier posts—that nobody (except Bearman) read…Enjoy!

I Just Puked In My Mouth…(Quick snippet inspired by the Octomom)

Unaware Of Underwear Inflation…(Dr. Max Yestronaut’s frustrating account of an underwear-shopping endeavor)

He Came—He Danced—He Had Intercourse With The Hottest Girl In School…(Outdated film review of rug-cutting classic, Footloose)

Raq-Hell yeah I Would…(5 days from now, I’ll officially want to have sex with a 70 year-old woman)

A Terrible Tumble…(Dr. Max Yestronaut doing his part to make sure some mascot will never ‘live it down’)

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine