The New England Weather Update?—It’s 177 fuckin’ degrees!—It’s hotter than Satan’s wife and as muggy as the space between Kirstie Alley’s multi-acred bum-cheeks—My apologies for that visual, but I don’t mince words when discussing matters of humidity…
Upon returning home from a quick 2-day work venture to Albany, NY (greenly disarming the air-conditioner before my departure) I was shocked to find that my apartment had morphed into some type of steamy Turkish schvitz in less than 48 hours—in fact, some sweaty dude in his late 60’s just walked out of my kitchen wearing nothing but a towel and frankly, I’m a little irritated…
My weapon of choice when battling such hellish conditions as these?—Ice-cream sundaes fool…However, the current weather is really striking a chord with my post-Floridian self (I’m actually writing this from inside my fridge, just until the AC catches it’s breath)—and not just any old ice-cream sundae is gonna’ cut it this time…
I need a sundae that has Tahitian vanilla ice-cream with additional flavoring from those sultry vanilla beans of Madagascar—I want a sundae that includes exotic candied French fruit, Caribbean cocoa, Marzipan cherries, Grand Passion Caviar and freekin’ gold damn it—I want this thing to be served in a shwanky crystal goblet and most importantly, I want it to cost me $1,000.oo please…
The Golden Opulence Sundae (What I Want)
Can’t afford it? Montel Williams has your back 🙂
That medical bill? Paid—The car? Fixed—The Golden Opulence Sundae? In your frackin mouth chief…
A Tightly Slacked Community 